Work A Mile In My Shoes Before You Criticize Me.

After being sent the article “The 20 Most Annoying Things Servers Do at Restaurants” about a dozen times, I think it’s finally time I counter it from the standpoint of the server.

Now, before you read this article, I suggest you at least read the original article first, or open them side-by-side, as I tend to just go down the line with the article and counter it. Who am I to counter this article? I’m just a lowly bartender, or something.

But who is this person to even write this article in the first place?

The “Editor-In-Chief” of, from what I can gather, some food and beverage based website. To his credit, he has written such thrilling articles as “Three 6 Mafia’s DJ Paul Cooks BBQ Chicken Thighs and Grilled Veggies for Super Bowl Sunday” and “Watch a Hamster Eat a Bunch of Tiny Burritos.” Well, something tells me they’ve never worked in the service industry in their life, so at least I can say I can do both my job and theirs.

Let’s just jump right into this, according to this ‘experts’ list of “20 Most Annoying” things we are doing wrong:

No. 1 – Introduce Themselves By Name.


Did I just read that?

This man has a problem with his server having a name? Clearly he is just Royalty. Probably a Lord. He rides in on a steed, snaps his fingers and his servants bring platters of pheasant, wait on him and grovel at his gaze.

You don’t want a server, you want a servant. We do appreciate you showing your true colors right off though. This concept may escape you. Servers are not servants. What are they? People. They have names. If you don’t care to learn their name, don’t. Snap you fingers, wave at them and do whatever other classy act you believe is fitting towards a person in our position.

He then goes on to say, Does anything induce more eye rolls at the table than this sort of chipper opening gambit? We’re going to be in each other’s company for at most a few hours, and preferably about 30 minutes if the meal goes according to plan.”

He’d like his meal to last 30 minutes, if according to plan. So, he would like to walk into an empty restaurant (because he’ll need to be the only ticket in the kitchen) so that his food can come out in 10 minutes. He can then eat as fast as possible and run out the door after leaving exact change. At first, I just wonder why he doesn’t just go to McDonalds if this is what he wants, but then I realize if he wants to eat that fast, maybe he will choke on some of his food. We can hope.

As for me, I want to know my servers name. I want to say, “Excuse me Sarah” or “John, can we please get our bill?” Then again, I was raised (properly) to respect everyone, and the importance of that quality shows it self every single day in my service industry job.

I run my website. I don’t need a fancy title like Editor-In-Chief, and after the authors first point, I don’t want that title. I’d rather be identified as a proud member of the service industry than belong to a group with him. #serviceindustryproud


No. 2 – Touch You And Think It’s Friendly.


I won’t spend much time here, it’s not really needed. I’m not a touchy person, but his comment of I don’t need a shoulder rub while you recite the specials, or a playful tap on the arm to show that we’re hitting it off,” really makes me wonder if he has actually been to a restaurant in his life, or is just making this up from things he’s seen in movies or heard about from friends. If he has, I’d like to know where this restaurant is. I’ve been to quite a few in my life and have never received this complimentary shoulder rub to go with my specials board.

But, as he is an “Editor-In-Chief” (Yes, every time I type that it just makes it sound more pretentious in my head. Sort of like the ‘I’m a mixologist’ guy.), I’d assume he does some sort of research and fact checking. Well, he should know that in 2004 Michael Lynn wrote a paper titled “Mega Tips: Scientifically Tested Techniques to Increase Your Tips.” One of the tips listed is touching a customer. (Another is introducing yourself by name.) These were tested at “low to mid-priced” establishments, so they really should be up his alley.

I know this is just some paper someone wrote, but it should be noted that Michael Lynn is also known as Dr. Michael Lynn. I’m pretty sure a doctor is a little bit better of a person to get your information from than say a, I don’t know, Editor-In-Chief.
I don’t know about you, this one sounds a lot to me like someone who has been turned down time and time again after asking his waitress out on a date.

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