Let’s start with the obvious:
No religion in bars.
Okay, now, let’s move on, and if you don’t know, one of my standard lines is:
“You know what the problem with most people is? They’re people.”
And I mean that, sometimes people can suck, and for no other reason than people can just suck.
Now that we’re all caught up.
Tonight I had a friend, who was having a bad week, venting to me. So, there’s a woman next to him at the bar, doing people things (which, in this case, is jumping into a conversation she wasn’t invited to) and I speak my “you know what the problem with people is?” line.
Well, she says:
“God made people, God knows best, all people are good.”
Or something along those lines. After “God made people” I semi-zoned-out and semi-calculated my reply. Also, excuse the fuck out of me lady, because if you think all people are good, you’re sheltered, or ignorant… well, probably both.
I pause, as I pick how to reply and she’s gives this smug little cunty smile. Which was good, because it made my decision to attack for me, so I say:
“So, everything God does is, in its simplest definition, correct?”
So, smug-twat says “yes”.
God dammit, (Awe, I just used the lord’s name in vain) thanks for giving me that opening lady.
Now, I don’t believe in God (shocker), but I was also forced to take “religion class” for 6 years, and it was in that time as a kid where you soaked up all the bullshit they feed you, so I have a relatively solid background in Godly things and biblical stuff and whatsits.
So, I return said smug smile, and say “so, God realizes some people are just trash, and not everyone deserves the same love, and should be dealt with, right?”
Smug-twat just stares at me, probably confused because I used words.
And I just say: “Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but he realized he screwed up long ago, made some shitty people, and drowned a bunch of them in a flood? I mean, God knows best and smiting people is proper then.”
She kind of just stared at me. Didn’t really have much to say, because I described an actual story from the whole bible words book, and that’s law, or some shit. Also, I won.
I then moved on to wait on the people who had just walked in, and they didn’t bring up religion, bonus, and she didn’t really said another word to my friend or myself after,so… Double-bonus.
Don’t bring up religion in a bar. For both your sake and mine. Mostly yours though.