“I’m 27!”

So, this woman sits at the bar, ignores my greeting, whatever, maybe she didn’t. Know what, maybe the botox has shifted to her eyes, mouth, and ears. No… we’re not that lucky.

Anyhow, she is trying to chat this guy up who clearly has zero interest. There is some very one-sided exchange and she then when none of her lines have sparked any interest she blurts out:

“I’m 27!”

Now, listen, I’ve been doing this a long time. Sometimes you card someone and are surprised one way or another. But, generally I feel we’re all pretty good about this. I know I’m pretty good at the “How old do you think I am” game that we actually hate to play.

Yes, I’m talking to you Jessica. 24 is not “soooooo old” and the only way you haven’t had to show your ID in “years” is if you have been busy shooting a never-ending porn scene that is three years long.

So, when she says this, the voice we all have going at all times in our head? Mine… it says this:

“This lady is like… 47… minimum, maybe 55. Christ, I think her breast implants are at least 27.”

Now, I’ve seen this guy a few times. He’s polite, but doesn’t really talk much. And that combo of sarcasm, a hint of mean, and cleverness usually can not be hidden. But he apparently had hid it well.

Guy at the bar: You’re 27?

Woman: Yes, you don’t believe me?

Guy: I’m not saying I don’t believe you, I just didn’t know Benjamin Button’s disease was a real thing.

She gets pissed.

I mean, you see it in her face. I was a little worried she was going to attack him. But, luckily she didn’t have any Jersey Shore in her, just a bit of Real-Fake House Wife.

She then turns to me, and the “27 year old” tried to order a drink from me.

I say tried because I carded her.

The (not) 27 year old: “Do you really need my ID?”

Me: Well, yes ma’am, I understand you’re 27, but I do have to card anyone who appears under 35… so…

Now, at this point my inner-Dexter-voice is taking bets with me on if she actually shows me her ID, or if she’ll just leave, or if she’s about to lose her shit.

I’m also wagering on if she does, what the actual birth year is. I’m guessing 1965.

Unfortunately, she said she “didn’t have it” and just left.

Kind of a let down for how it all began, but it was still great to watch unfold, and be part of.

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