“I just found out my girlfriend of two months was a prostitute.”
“Thank You so Much! Oh, I Have Cellulite? Fuck You.”
My Wine Needs a Straw!
Bring Back The Grat!
“The problem with people, when it comes down to it, that behind all the smoke and mirrors, they’re still people, and that’s not always a good thing.”
“The only thing I worry about on Tinder is their pictures. One duck-face pic okay, but once it’s more than that… get the fuck outta here. I’d fuck their mom instead.”
“There is no limit to my shallowness. And I tell people that. It’s not listening or believing me that causes all the problems.”
*drops mic, exits left....
Add the term single to it. "I'd like a tall r...
When I'm out at a work event I order a tall r...