Quickie
The Late Night Underage Party?
The phone rings. Person I hope to never meet in person: “Is there a time late you allow people in under 21?” Me, really confused: “So, is there a point, later in the night, when […]
Articles by TheAngryBartender
Quickie
I Can’t Decide.
Best comment of the night: “Let me know how she tips. I’m trying to decide if I’m attracted to her or not, and that’s going to put her over-the-top.”
Stories
The Worst Thing Ever.
Someone just asked me what the “worst thing” I’ve ever served was. So, a guy comes up: Guy: “Do you have something awful?” Me: “Define awful.” Guy: “Tastes bad. Will get you fucked up.” Me: […]
Tweets
Thank You, Chad.
A little tweet, thanking Chad for being a good sport, and reminding Karen that no one wants to live, laugh, love. Well, maybe we do, but she doesn’t deserve to.
Quickie
No Watermelon For Me.
I love that we end up hearing everything, but it’s those times you catch stuff out of context, and this is what I caught. Lady at my bar: “ Why do I need to have […]
Tweets
We Are Looking Out For You!
Regardless of what anyone’s opinion of the shutdown, and quarantine was, at a point you need to listen to what the people in charge are saying, even if you don’t agree with it. Maybe they’re […]
Rants
Did We Needed A Pandemic To Shop Local?
I’ve gotta say, it’s awesome to see all the sentiment towards shoppings local, and mom and pop, etc. And I go to places (bars) based on which friends/regulars are working usually being the major factor. […]
Tweets
“WOOF!”
Yeah… Maybe I’m drunk, but I’m pretty sure my dog talked.
Quickie
Change this shit!
Woman: Change this shit, no one is watching hockey! One of the 9 guys at my bar watching hockey: Shut up you miserable tumbleweed. Well… alright. He wins the free drink of the night award.
Stories
They gave me the wink.
Tonight I got the: Asshole: “Whiskey coke, more whiskey than coke.” Me: “So you want a double?” Asshole: “How much is a double.” I tell them. Twice as much as a single. Yes, I know […]
Stories
I Wouldn’t Feed This To The Homeless.
So I’m at a friend’s restaurant for lunch, and this guy at the bar is complaining about a dish, using the word “bland” multiple times like it’s a weapon he can use to cause pain, […]
Stories
Shit Said At A Bar
So Good.
“This drink is so good my mom’s panties just got wet.”
Shit Said At A Bar
Turtle Necks
“Why are we protesting circumcisions? Who wants their dick to wear a turtle neck?”
Shit Said At A Bar
It’s An Innie.
“I have no dick or ass. I basically have two inies.”
Stories
Someone Who Cares
Well, a lady calls on Blackout Wednesday and tries to make reservations for Thanksgiving: Lady: “Hi, I’d like to make a reservation for tomorrow at 6pm for 14.” “I’m sorry, we’re closed for Thanksgiving so […]
Shit Said At A Bar
Type Negative.
“My problem is I’m never my type’s type”.
Quickie
The Quick-Fire Quickie .
The best no-hesitation, quick-fire comeback I’ve heard in a while. At my bar – Girl: You’d be really hot if you were taller. Guy: You’d be really pretty if you had a different face.