• If you ordered the drink… It goes on your tab/you’re paying for it.

  • Whoever pukes cleans it up.

  • If there are multiple people waiting, and you are asked what you’d like and you respond with “Surprise me”… all we hear is “Just skip me”… and we will.

  • If you start a tab at the bar, order at the bar. The waitress will happily wait on you at your table, but if you think you’re so cool that you can only have a tab at the bar… be cool enough to go and get your own drinks.

  • Buying a shot for everyone at the bar is a very nice thing to do… but being nice doesn’t excuse you not tipping on all the shots you just bought.

  • Snapping or whistling does not get our attention. It lets us know you need a cab because you’re too drunk to be out in public. We’ll happily assist you in leaving.

  • If you don’t work here or fuck someone who does work here, you can’t be here after the open sign is off.

  • No, we can’t reserve a seat for you at a busy bar. Once you get up and take your stuff, it is open to whoever wants to spend money. An empty seat is lost money for us and the bar.

  • Order a frozen drink at your own risk. Any action we take after one is ordered will not be admissible in court, as “They ordered a frozen drink” is a valid reason to claim insanity.

  • Whoever spilled the drink pays for it. If “no one” spilled your drink… you pay for it.

  • A pool table is like a bar. Leaving it for any reason is vacating ownership. When you return from your 30 minute smoke break, the table wasn’t stolen from you… you were simply too stupid to keep it.

  • You were banned for a reason. Attempting to plead your case on a monthly basis will only add back-to-back lifetime sentences to your total.

  • Yes I can tell you to leave for begging people for free drinks.

  • We like specific. If we ask you what kind, and you say “beer”… you may get a half-drank bottle from the trash.

  • Oh, you know the owner? We don’t give a shit, and neither do they.

  • I will gladly make a drink/shot from an obscure recipe you found online… there will be $12 service charge for it.

  • I will not read the menu to you. I don’t care how bad your eyes are, or how bad the lighting in the bar is.

  • If you’re kicked out for any reason, it will result in a 30-day ban… unless you sing an apology to the staff during a busy night.

  • Do not step behind the bar unless you’re an employee.

  • No really, don’t step behind the bar.

  • If you step behind the bar, I will assume you’re a threat and treat you that way.


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