Shit Said At A Bar

  • The Village Idiot.

    “I think everyone who has ever said ‘I have a reputation to uphold’, while sitting at a bar, doesn’t realize that reputation is the village...

  • Bush Hair.

    “You’re sucking on bush-hairs tonight bro, not mine, but you are.”

  • Assholes.

    “Opinions are like assholes, some of them stink and should never see the light of day.”

  • So Good.

    “This drink is so good my mom’s panties just got wet.”

  • Science.

    “Girls come from the left ball. Boys from the right. That’s science.”

  • Tastes Like Christmas.

    “Drinking gin is like deep throating a Christmas tree.”

  • Shut Your Hole.

      “We need to seal your asshole shut with candle wax.”

  • The Tongue Touch.

    “Man… I can’t wait to put my tongue in your butthole tonight.”

  • Turtle Necks

    “Why are we protesting circumcisions? Who wants their dick to wear a turtle neck?”

  • It’s An Innie.

    “I have no dick or ass. I basically have two inies.”

  • The Fire Hose

    “Listen, I’m too tired to masturbate, so I really don’t have the energy to fight you, but really, if you want to get my adrenaline...

  • Nice-Smelling Butthole.

    “I don’t care if it made my farts smell like Baby Jesus’ breath, or the impeccable-butthole of a Swedish model, I’m not going gluten free.”

  • We Miss You!

    “I ran my ex over, his parents still invited me over for Thanksgiving.”