All posts tagged "idiot"

  • Are You New?

    Twatwaffle: “Can I get a Coors?” Me: “Here ya go, $4.50.” TW: “Uhh this isn’t what I ordered and it tastes funny… It should have...

  • I Don’t Know What It’s Called?

    I had a customer today who ordered by saying: “I want a drink, but I don’t know what it’s called…” So, I replied, “Okay, tell...

  • What’s On Tap?

    “What do you have on tap?” “Bud, Bud Light, Heineken and Blue Moon.” “I’ll take a pitcher of Coors Light.”

  • I Want The Tanqueray Now.

    Lady orders a Tanqueray. Me: Do you want tonic, OJ, on the rocks…? Lady: (Bewildered expression) I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ll just...

  • No… Not The Same Thing!

    You have to love when a “drink expert” shows up and speaks with such grace and knowledge that shit may literally fall out of their...

  • This Is Not BYO Drinks Asshole!

    I’d be lying if I said I’ve never had this happen. It’s not too common – for me – but I’ve had someone attempt this,...

  • “I want a gin and juice!”

    Conversations at a bar when everyone is either behind the bar, or sitting at it but you normally work behind it: “Okay, you come up...

  • No Cash Back!

    No, we can’t give you cash and you can add it to the tip. No, I’m not joking. Yes, it’s really against company policy. Yes...

  • Your Finest Scotch Please.

    This one blew my mind but I’m not sure anything should come as a surprise anymore. This past weekend I worked a private party at...

  • I Can’t Taste The Jack!

    Customer orders a single jack and coke tall, no ice with a straw Customer: I can’t taste the jack! (We free pour and we do...

  • You Are No Longer A Customer.

    Okay, so last night starts slow. We have a total asshole at the bar, but whatever, it’s early and happy hour can bring in some...

  • The Wine Snob.

    “What kind of wine do you have?” “Well would you like red or white?” “What brand?” “Depends on the wine, what kind of wine are...

  • You’re Giving Away Drinks!

    Customer – “I need an Absolut and an Absolut and water.” Me -“Okay $4.75 each, so $9.50.” Customer – “That’s not right, I had water,...

  • Are These People Customers?

  • I’d Like To Report A Robbery.

    I had someone call 911 to report a robbery at my bar. He was pissed about the price of his Grey Goose Red Bull. And...

  • Well, The Tip Equals Their Common Sense.

    A waste of space with a waste of a vote.

  • I Don’t Like Garlic.

    The equivalent of saying “I hate pasta, lets go to an Italian restaurant.”

  • Do You Work Here?

    No, I just wait on people as a hobby. I don’t have a doctor either, I just have a man at the clinic who volunteers...